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WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT FROM MY CHILD? 

     This is one question that I am often asked, when a parent is signing their child up for self-defense lessons. As parents we want the best for our children, we want them to have a fulfilling and successful life. We want to point them, as well as guide them in the right direction. There are times however, that while we are trying to do what we think is best for them, we end up pushing them too hard, expecting more from them than they are capable of doing, resulting in a child with a feeling of no self-worth, poor working habits and often disciplinary problems. Self-defense can help your child in developing confidence, self-esteem, positive work habits, self control, leadership, responsibility, respect for themselves and others, as well as so many other benefits both physical and mental. The importance in teaching, is to know when and how much to push, and what to expect from each child individually. Children are different in their capabilities both physically and mentally. What works and what we expect from one child, may not work or be expected from another. We can sometimes forget this. We start expecting our children to respond the way we or other children respond, or to learn as quickly as we or other children might learn. This type of pressure can often cause a child to act in a non-positive way. If a child feels that we are never satisfied in what they do, how can we expect them to be satisfied in themselves? Whether a child succeeds at something or not, if the child is trying their best, and it is something that they have been working hard at. We still need to recognize their effort. Congratulate them for their hard work, let them know you are proud of them, and satisfied that they did their best. The following is an example that happens one too many times. A child attends Self-defense class regularly; they work hard in every class always trying to do their best. The day finally comes when they get to test for their next level. Once again, they try their hardest. They come to class the first time after testing and find that they have made it to their next level. The child, who is excited, goes to his/her parents and says, “Look I did it.” The instructor hearing this says, “Yes, you really did a good job.” The parents respond by saying “ yes, but he/she could have done better.” The “yes” response is positive, but the “you could have done better” response does nothing to inspire or motivate a child. If a child feels that their best is never good enough, the child will in all likelihood give up, and will quit trying altogether. What I’m trying to say is, motivate your child to do their best, not your best or someone else’s best. They will develop and improve at their own pace. With the proper support, they will be less likely to quit at what they are doing. Allow your child to pick an activity that they enjoy, forcing them to participate in activities that they do not like, is merely a waist of time for you, your child and any one else who is involved in the activity. Finally, in response to the question, “WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT FROM MY CHILD?” I say simply, “EXPECT THEIR BEST, NOT ANYONE ELSE’S.”  

                                                                                            Master Kotlarek  "Mr. K" 

                                                                                            Choong Sil Kwan Do Self-Defense Modesto, Ca.

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